A new hope..

by Miriam
(Currently In, Oregon)

My mom was sick with brain cancer from the time she was pregnant with me until I was three. After she died, my Dad didn't understand or know how to cope and I don't hold that agaisnt him. He began abusing alcohol and crack-cocaine when I was seven. Dad was an amazing musician and unfortuantly it got the best of him. My four sisters and I were always going on tours with him and his drug addicted band-mates; we were constantly surrounded by men and women who cared about nothing but sex, drugs, and music. All of my sisters moved out as soon as the law would allow. So being the youngest, I was eventually alone with my Father who let me do whatever, whenever and whoever.

When I was fifteen years old I was struggling with my own addictions: sex, cutting, and vicadin. I was sleeping with any male or female that I could. All I was hoping for was some sort of emotional connection, to feel loved. In the summer of '09 my Dad kicked me out because I was "out of control", and I went to live with my eldest sister in Texas. In that same summer I learned of my pregnancy.
My whole life came to a hault. I had no idea what to do. . .I panicked. When I called my boyfriend to tell him he told me it was either my unborn child or him. After years of wanting someone to love me, I found it almost impossible to not get the abortion. I was in the hospital a couple weeks later for slitting my wrists. I gave up I didn't want to live anymore, I found life to be pointless. After staying in a group home for a week I learned how to cope. And slowly my life began to change. My son was my everything. . .abortion was no longer an option. I had to get straight for his sake as well as mine. I wanted him to have everything I lacked in a childhood: a proper mother and father. I gave him up for adoption but have continued to stay clean: I haven't had sex in 8 months and haven't cut for 6 months. I am currently getting honor roll and resisting temptations. My life has always been hard. I have had to try 10x harder than most people because I haven't been given the same oppurtunities. And I know that in the end, everyone has to spend eternity somewhere.