abused & wanting God

im 18 years old & im saved. i used to be really strong with God & i still am in some ways but its not the same..i lead bible studies & im trying really hard to go back to how i used to be but my heart just isnt the same i guess...i just have alot of anger in my heart & im having a hard time becoming the woman that God told me i would be...see my dad & i dont have a good relationship & he's been verbally and physically abusive to me & idk what to do anymore...its partly my fault i guess because i know i provoke him when i talk back & give attitude..i just cant help it..like anything he says makes me angry & i know he loves me & i love him too but the way he treats me..i cant even be affectionate with anyone and it takes me a long time to warm up to people..i isolate myself all the time & im always in a box..i get upset anytime anyone touches me & im upset because im supposed to represent God..but i just cant..cause i have so much inside that i always just push off..like anytime i get hurt by someone i feel helpless & in some crazy way i become attracted to them to win them over..thats the real reason why i dont date..because i know i could fall for someone just as abusive as my dad & my brother..ive been physically abused all my life..i used to cut & sometimes i still want to..idk how to get rid of these demons..i only trust God & Hes the only one i want any kind of intimacy with..& telling someone is not an option for me because i dont want my dad to get in trouble..he just gets frustrated..& then i snap cause i cant forgive him..im in so much pain right now..physically & emotionally..& im hispanic so i guess physical punishment is normal but im already 18..& the things he'll do or say..like i just dont know how a man can do those things & not feel bad..hes apologized before but it just keeps happening...help me please..

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You Are An Overcomer!
by: Anonymous

Precious, please understand this important life lesson available for those in Christ, you don’t have to wait for your wounds to heal; you can be healed today all you need do is give all those hurts, all that pain to God. And when you do, don't take them back. Dear heart, don’t hold on to them - you gotta let them go. To be free, you must throw those hurts off and majke the choice, "I will not let the pain of my past affect me anymore nor will I allow those who have hurt me to have a place in my life and heart. I understand this is a trick of the enemy to gain a foothold and color my perception and hinder my walk in Christ."
It's so true precious, that holding on to those hurts and allowing Satan to bring those up, you are giving him a foot hold. Yes it happened, yes it hurt, no it wasn't right - but you are empowered to rise up in spite of it all because His Son came, His Son's Blood was shed and He triumphed gloriously to enable you to be a victorious overcomer!
So rise up dear heart, let go of the past and walk in newness of life with a new song of praise on your lips for through faith in your God, you are a brand new creation in Christ!
Yea this one thing I do, forgetting those things that are behind I press on towards the prize and that is to obtain the very purpose why God created me! It's the high prize of my calling that required His Son's Blood and He deemed me worthy! I am secure in Him! He loves me! My security and self worth is defined by what He says about me and the price He paid so that I could have life and that more abundantly! (Make that your own precious and be blessed!)
God loves you no matter what situation you may be in
by: Anonymous

God loves you and is always there for you, no matter how much anger or hurt we may feel. I just wanted to let you know too, that any kind of abuse, is never ok and is never your fault. No one ever has the right to abuse another person. I know what it is like to go through emotional abuse, as well. In the past, I was severely emotionally abused and felt like I couldn't escape. I believed in God, but all the anger and hate inside made me shy away from other people. I didn't want to talk to other people. Basically, I hated myself. I wasn't really sure what to do at the time...It takes time to heal, but part of the healing process is accepting that you are loved and that you are a wonderful person. I had the hardest time accepting that myself, because I had been brainwashed into thinking otherwise. Know that you are a blessing and don't let anyone tear you down. I think it's amazing that you do things like leading Bible studies:) I think also that as soon as possible,you need to move away from the current environment that you are in. I realize that you love these family members, but their abuse is going to continue to impact you negatively. Know though, that you are above all this abuse and that you are a wonderful person created by God to do great things:)
Thank you!
by: Daisy

You're guys' words have been such a blessing to me & they have really helped!idk who u both are both you both inspire me & im thankful u took time to help me. I will overcome this & i will find my way out!thank u for your words!:)

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