Being Pulled Into The Teenage "Norm"

by Mileyah
(Indiana)

Hello,

My name is Mileyah. And I am just going to tell you right off the bat that this might be a little long but please read cuz i'm in desperate need of help.

OKay so first off i'm 15 years old I go to a public high school. My grandpa is a pastor and I have lived with my gparents most of my life due to my mom heaving a hip repleacement and issues with that and alcohol addictions and pain medication addictions. But anywho, I really have dug myself into a hole. I have really bad problems with porn & masturbation. I have made so many promises to God I am not going to do this again but I always break it. And after I get done watching the porn or done masturbating I feel really disquisting and get mad at myself. And I really wanna stop but I don't know how to. Also, I have been trying not to date anymore at least the people at my school because I give into peerp pressure easily. All my real boyfriends have been this year and my first one wa sfun we had a nice time but he wasn't a virgin and we would talk sexual to eacother and i sent him bikini pics of me. Then my second boyfriend that I was completely in love with or so I thought we would have sorta sexual conversations and I had sent him bikini pics but then he had asked me to send him something naked or a video of me stripping or just pics of my boobs and I said no so many times and then i gave into it and stripped down to my thong and bra then took my bra off. I had sent him 2 videos of him seeing my boobs. And one time before tht my friend and i had the video recording when I took my shirt off i still had everything else on but yeah and she was like yu should send it and I did so I guess that is how that all started. And a couple of my friends know about all that but I can't realy talk talk to them about it and I just need help and I don't know if I should tell any family or keep it to myself. I have sent bikini pics to other guys but I haven't in ahwhile. Write before this I watched porn and masturbated. I also am trying to quit cussing but so many people do around me and I get sucked into it. So any help their? My grandpa is a pastor of my church and I used to be such a sweet helpful ball of sunshine but not anymore. Now ive gone to the club and I danced on random guys and it's like I still want to go and have fun but I know it's wrong so I want to quit. I attend I am second meetings and I go to church just about every Sunday and Wendsday. Can someone please help me with all my problems. Thank you so much! :)