FEELING LONELY EVEN WHEN TRYING TO DO GOD'S WILL

by claudia
(australia)

hi

I feel lonely and empty inside even though i am a christian,i ask Jesus to help me but i still feel empty and lonely inside and i feel even Jesus doesnt luv me

i have been married for over 20 years and my husband
could not have children,
i beleive marriage is for better or for worse and i have supported my husband but i still feel lonely.
I had a very lonely childhood were my parents were good providers but not there for me emotionaly while i grew up.i was left alone a lot because they had to work most the time
i a have a great fear of remaining alone especially in old age because i will be vunerable again like i was when i was a child.
i have good friends and a good church but this still doesnt help,the wounds are too deep,even when i go to church the focus is on children and family.
every where i go there is always a reminder
i dont know why i have this strong belief that happiness seems to be with having a family and children.
i am european and the family is very strong in our culture,may be that is why.i dont know

I have one brother who is abusive and we dont speak because he has done nothing but bullied and ridiculed me my whole life.

When i see other families with children i feel so hurt
i really dont know if the hurt has come from my past experiences with my family or not having children?
the past seems to be repeating itself.i am also having therapy regarding these issues but that doesnt help either

This society values only people who have a family and have children and the rest are outcasts. Which i find such an injustice.

I didnt choose what has happened to me i am victim of circumstances out of my control and still no healing comes
it is really sad that i look forward to leaving this planet because i find no peace nor happiness here.
can you please help

regards
claudia