Her value more than rubies or pearls...

by Lucy
(England)

From an early age my self esteem was crushed. I was bullied for my looks and ridiculed for the person I am. So what do you do when the world rejects you, tells you that your worth is dictated by looks and people approving of who you are?

You change. I changed my wardrobe; no matter how many arguments it took with my parents to get what I wanted. I changed my hair, I got braces, I would often leave beauty stores with a bag full of products that promised to make me beautiful. I compromised my whole being, I compromised my relationship with friends, family and most importantly, God. All because I was consumed with feeding a lie that told me true acceptance comes from my outward appearance and pleasing other people.

As I got older, the braces came off, my hair grew, I developed curves in the right places. Suddenly people started to approve of the way I looked. I became addicted to checking my reflection, constantly wanting validation of the fact that I indeed did have worth. But of course the vulnerable girl inside of me still thought she was ugly and therefore inferior; repulsive. People would compliment me, tell me I looked good but it just left me wanting more; continuously thirsting after something that could not truly quench my thirst. My dresses became shorter, clothes tighter, make up more alluring and I began to live for male attention. It started with flirtatious glances and led to presenting myself as some sort of object in clubs, practically laying myself at mens' feet.
Throughout all of this I was sad and selfish. I worshiped control and perfection and believed this was the way to obtain them. I was scared of what I had become, from the child who knew God in relationship to the teenager who rejected him for the approval of man. Throughout all of it I wanted God to save me from it all.

I cried out to God for help, for Him once again to be the centre of my life. How my soul missed worshiping Him and knowing his TRUE joy. My eyes have been opened to the lies that we are fed by people, the media, satan. I lived my life drinking out of sewers when I had true living water. I am learning how much God loves and values me; how He called me by name and sent His son to die for me. Praise be to God for He is good! He helps all who cry out to him from the depths of despair. Nothing can replace God but we are often deceived into thinking it can. When you hurt, don't turn from God - RUN TO HIM.

Stop trusting in mere humans,
who have but a breath in their nostrils.
Why hold them in esteem? Isaiah 2 v 22