I don't have a problem do I???

My story is different. It started off just wanting to be healthy. Then progressed to more. I thought I was fat, I ate late and the emotions that came with it all drove me crazy. I would cry because I ate and would scream and hate myself everytime I ate. Over the summer it got bad. In 2 days I only ate 250 calories. I would feel weak and I slept all the time school started again and so did my eating. Then it kicked my butt. It told me I was fat, I could get guys because I had fat on my stomach, and many more hurtful things I would cry about. I wished everyday to be skinnier. I asked myself why I couldn't have control. This drove me to do better. I wanted to be at 81lbs. I hid everything, I kept exercising, I did mess up in which I started to resent myself more and more. I wanted to tell my mom what was wrong, my anorexia told me if I did that I would never be skinny. I listened. I started eating little for lunch with no breakfast. I wouldn't eat after 7, and my emotions for eating got bigger. I didn't like how I felt after I ate. So I slowly dropped my calorie intake. I still have my mess up days and I still have a goal of 81lbs. I don't think I have that big of a problem since I mess up and eat more than I want sometimes. I love the feeling of being hungry & feeling proud. I I just want to loose 10lbs and then I'll be done. But until then, I don't want to eat much.

The worst part of my so called "problem" is the emotion pain ad devastation when I do eat. Literaly sometimes I feel like dying because of food. Because the number of calories I ate was too much. Crazy? I know but I want to lose the weight.