I want to feel confident about myself...

by Jenny
(California)

I'm a 12 year old girl. I want to recover form anorexia.. I cannot be confident about myself though because I still feel fat. I'm 5ft 3in and weigh 97lbs, which is still considered normal and I want to be skinnier... I use to weight 130 lb and was chubby and started to cut out calories around fifth grade, and it just started getting worse and worse. I went from 1000 calories to now, only 200 calories or less. On some days I binge and lose control which just makes me feel worse. Even though I'm not that skinny yet, this lifestyle is torturing. I've been trying to recover, but I feel so fat, I feel ugly and disgusting, and feel out of control after eating a full meal. My lowest weight so far is 89 lbs and I want to be lower than that. I really want to get out of this though, I want to maintain at my current weight of 97 without binging or restricting. What should I do? I really want to recover and be able to live normally and feel normal and good after eating a normal sized meal. But the insides of me keep telling me that I'm fat and that I should lose more. It's a constant battle...please give advice..