by Sarah
(Pennsylvania)
Before I was diagnosed with anorexia, i was perfect weight. I never needed to lose anything at all. I had friends, talent, everything... But I saw media; skinny models and underweight celebrities. and I saw all my friends eat and stay skinny as they were. And my depression was overwhelming me. So I decided that I wanted to disappear. I just wanted to fade away. And that's what I did. I starved and starved until I saw myself disappear. But once it starts it doesnt go away. It DOESNT GO AWAY. it never ends. You start to see your bones as beautiful and your EVERYTHING ELSE as FAT. and it hurts. it hurts every day. No matter what, I find comfort in starving. On days I'm forced to eat, I comfort myself by thinking about the next day and forming a plan to not eat anything. It has taken over my life. It will continue to. Until I will disappear. And when I die, I hope to be burned. And I hope for my ashes to be scattered off a high peak somewhere, into a vast ocean. Why? So that I can finally disappear.
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