Kaiden's Journey

by Amanda
(Saint Paul, MN)

I had never thought of myself as the one to get pregnant as a teenager. The summer of 2009 I was preparing for my first deployment to Afghanistan. I would be the youngest Soldier deploying. I was only 18.

I was home for the summer and was spending a lot of time out. On June 10th I went to a party. I had a few wine coolers and a couple shots. My body felt numb. My head was spinning. I had drank before, and a lot more alcohol and this was the worst I had ever felt.

I went and laid down in an empty room by myself. Soon, a man that I had known only a little bit entered the room and layed down on the bed with me. He proceded to make "the move" and I turned him down. I was so drunk and wanted nothing to do with that. He continued. I panicked. If you have ever heard of the "flight or fight" saying--I did neither. I froze. I had no idea how to get myself out of the situation. He then raped me. At one point, someone opened the bedroom door and looked in, then closed the door. At that moment I gave up. When that person shut the door I felt like all hope had vanished.

I went on with life as normal and put my rape in the back of my head. I was leaving for Afghan in a month and didnt want to deal with it.

On Jule 26th I realized my period was 4 days late. I bought a pregnancy test to ease my fears. I didnt think I was pregnant but I had to know.

17 POSITIVE pregnancy tests later, the truth was known.

I was pregnant. 18 and pregnant. Supposed to be deploying and pregnant. Raped and pregnant.

I called my mom and told her. Not that I was raped, just that I was pregnant. I had no idea how I was going to tell the Army either.

I had always been pro-life but had firmly believed in the exception of rape or incest. I had an appointment on August 12th. On August 4th I was taken to the ER for bleeding and cramping. They thought the pregnancy was either ectopic or I was miscarrying.

They hooked me up for an ultrasound and as soon as I saw the screen I broke down. There was my baby. An innocent life. He didnt have an option as to how he was conceived...how could I justify one crime with taking an innocent life.

I went through with my pregnancy.

Soon it came out to my friends and family that I was indeed raped. My pregnancy was high risk and I was treated for anxiety through out my pregnancy.

On March 27, 2010 at 1015 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy I named Kaiden. He has my nose, eyes, ears everything. He is without a doubt the most beautiful and perfect baby I have ever seen. To think, I would have never known him if I had gone through with my abortion.

I would understand completly if any girl would not be able to go through with a pregnancy like mine. My personal belief is that God gave Kaiden to me because he knew I was strong enough to handle it. He is the love of my life. To see something so beautiful come out of such an ugly situation was life changing.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

If anyone going through a similar situation would like to speak to me FEEL FREE to reply.