Longings...Wanderings (Desert Life)

by Brenna
(Texas)

My life is a heap of ashes.

Can it be made new again?
How long must I walk in the desert
With slavery as my only friend?

The Lord of love is not in reach.
He hides from me.
My heart's unwilling and sick.
When will it be broken so you can be real?

Perhaps I can make myself beautiful.
Maybe that can help me.
There's not beauty on the inside.
Half-starved, cause beauty has it's fee.

Won't you reach me?
Break past my fears?
Pull me gently?
Dry all my tears?

Emptiness forever in my heart
Anger and bitterness within.
How can I be free of slavery
When it is my only friend?

I'm afraid of your waves.
To be alone with the Lord of the universe.
I'm confused, in a daze.
I'm shaking in my boots.

Label me a squirming child,
But innocence was lost years ago.
More like a defiant maiden.
But I'm not a maiden anymore.
I've gone after idols.

How can I turn if there's not more?
If you're just another harsh master?
And I'm blocked in.
When I feel resistance I give up again.

Won't you come through?
Do I want this?
You are good, but are you safe?
I just want to be cared for.

What do I do?
How do I move?
I've cried out a thousand times.
I've said more than a million lines.
(note:sinner's prayers)

The Man at the cross should be my friend,
because I'm lost and can't find myself.
I'm afraid that I won't bend.
Will there be hope in the end?

I live for the day you reach down,
Turn my frown upside-down.
Then I'll look into your face
And find there eyes of gentle grace.

Won't you reach me?
Break past my fears?
Pull me gently?
Dry all my tears?
........................
So there it is, mostly uncut and not flowing as well as it could. It was on a day where I was just pouring thoughts and feelings out and not thinking much of rhythum. There is hope for those in the desert!