My Battle with Anorexia

by Natalie Hoffman
(Boca Raton, Fl)

Perfection was something that I had always strived to achieve. From an early age, I always wanted to be better than everyone else. My father passed away when i was 4, of a tragic, and sudden heart attack. It shattered my family. I am an only child, and suddenly, my mom was in my life less and less, constantly having to work. Dont get me wrong, I loved my life. I was a very happy child, and had a very great childhood. But around the age of 8, i had a sudden preoccupation with my weight. I ate a lot of junk food, and began to see myself as fat. I remember a time, when i had weighed myself at a neighbors house, and was 97 lbs, at about the age of 9 or 10. I went home and cried. I felt fat and horrible. When i was 10, i reached 107, and that was my breaking point. When i was about 11, i began eating little to no food. I spiraled into the vortex of anorexia. I began picking at food, and cut out all junk foods. I began to withdraw from social activities, and confined myself to my home. I was suffering mood swings, and abnormalities. I developed amenorrhea. I lost myself, and became consumed in my eating disorder. I was hospitalized on a feeding tube, and went through a weekly routine consisting of in and out visits to copious doctors. My life was centered around my eating disorder; I lost myself. I continued to lose weight and fight the disease until I got help with the Maudsley Approach, and went into remission. I still thought i was fat, but i maintained a healthy body weight. But the summer i turned 13, I began to fall back into the vortex. When I am stressed, i deal with it by not eating. I am still battling the horrible disease.