My life through my tears .....

by Rhonda
(tn)

I was born and raised in Eastern ky, poor and already seemed life was doomed. a acholic fateher a wonderful mother working odd jobs to put us all through school.

I got my first real taste of what hate .fear .. regection felt like. my dad treated me and my mother so bad . I wore the bruises and lied to my teachers when they would ask. my mother tried so hard and i could hear her cry at night. I prayed that I would disapear in my sleep.I was 15 I had my fist child finally someone treated me like i mattered. even though it was wrong i felt whole inside. I had a beautiful daughter and two weeks later I had to bury her father . I felt like god hated me for what I had done. i quit school because school after children is so cruel . I was made fun of a tagged a whore. I worked and took care of little angel . a few years later I married a man I had known for a few years. he was wonderful to my daughter and we later had a son. I should have been happy but I was so sad inside I was still hurting over everything . I didnt know where to put the pain so I would cry it away. that marriage ended so terrible . lies were told and my son was taken away. for three years I fought the legal system and I finnaly got him back. I was devatsed . I was numb. I cant remember the pain beacuse it was so bad I wanted to die. I contuined to work and I raised my children side by side and they became as one . the one thing I did right was teach them to love and cherish each other they are now 22 and 20 and I amamazed when I see them together how much love they have for each other. in 2010 I left my life in denver for a man I have know my whole life. we married and we have a son also he is 17 . he has been so sick cancer, heart ..ect but the biggest thing was the lies the hurt the emotional abuse . I made excuses for what he did all the time . I wanted so hard to believe he didnt mean the terrible words he would say. his family hated me and lied and talked about me . I helped them all so much . even when i would over hear them talking about me.I still did anything for them. my husband would leave me if i got upset or ask questions. the final straw was when his sister came to visit and stayed with his daughter she invited his old girlfriend to come and stay and he stayed at her house and said it was none of my business . I cryed so hard I made myself sick I couldnt underdtand why was he hurting me like this. I prayed on and off all night . i drove around in my car at night just so lost . i would cry at work . it was like i had died . but today he did it again . he came home and said nothing and i ask why did you hurt me again and he called me a stupid b.. and he was bust my face and i was nothing and knowone loved me or cared ...it was too much i just set down in the floor and started praying and it came to me my tears dried like magic. even though i was hurting i felt like someone touched me and I know it was god.. i am still hurting god know i am but i hear a voice in my head saying i am here and you are going to be alright. i am not perfect but god knows i gave it my all with this family i truly love them but they reject me. I work hard every day i would give my last anything to anyone i just pray for peace tonight for him . i want love and happiness for him . so tonight as i set here all alone and saddness starts to fill my eyes i just pray . i mave have lost a faimly that i love but i gained a god that loves me!! and i know i am worth something.
god bless everyone who reads this and if you can relate i pray for you too .

with my love
Rhonda