My Main Issue

by Jay
(Australia)

Well when I was a kid I did like Barbie, mostly just the movies because you hardly do anything with the dolls but my friends were into Brats and everything about fashion. My Mother knew a lot well and dressed me well but when I went out on Sundays to church I was coming from my Dad's house (my parent's are divorced), my Dad knew nothing about clothes... he was old fashioned and I didn't have much of a wardrobe there.

I felt alone for 6 years. I was there but when I tried to join in things and games I became the target, the 'it'. So instead of becoming someone, someone who was targeted and picked on all the time I silenced myself and shrunk back.

When my parents disagreed about simple things like what length my jeans should be I shrunk back. I fully submitted to each of them, not taking any trust in what I thought anymore, but their opinions were so different so I silenced myself and shrunk back.

When I was much younger I was the girl that was into inner beauty, that still got barbie dolls on her birthday and I got pretty dresses from my mother. My goal was to make people happy, to make the laugh to make them laugh but when those people turned on me I silenced myself and shrunk back.

I wasn't treated that well. I was looked down upon by girls and boys. I was too 'ugly' to join in, to be accepted. I wasn't into the 'trends'.

I am 15 now. I looked to God for love and acceptance and found so much there I was overwhelmed.

Actually Barbie was not much of an influence on me. For a small time I wanted to be blonde and maybe have blue eyes but then later during those days I mentioned above I wanted to either be full Asian or Filipino. I was a halfie and spent so much time with asian friends and eating filo food... you know fish, rice and soy sauce but I was different.

It is kind of weird and freaky how long this page came to be and it is about Barbie. But me and my friends were really into dolls back then, that for some of my friends they became role models. Sometimes my life or maybe life is interconnected, which is kind of funny again.

That is why I really hate social status and how people measure beauty because it divides us when we could have been better friends for much longer. It feels now that I wasted so much time but we were only children we still didn't understand.

It feels so good now, to feel/be comfortable with who you are. I think there shouldn't be any other way.