My past

I was raised in a poor family with drug addict and alcoholic parents.. I didnt know it was bad until i got older. My dad would give me whiskey and let me drink it because it was funny (note hes asked for forgiveness) my mom.... I dont remember when it started.. The abuse.. My dad went to prison when i was 8, i have a younger brother and sister... they received the abuse too.. I dont remember anything worse than watching... helpless. when one of us would scream for her to stop she would transfer... at least that one could get some peace.... My dad knew the whole time it was happening,... Now he says he didnt know what to do.. Either did i.. I was the oldest... My mom became quite the partier, drugs, alcohol, pills.. whatever.. soon it caused me to become sexually abused.. only once but i remember like it was yesterday... she never explained to me why she hurts us.. IN fact it was as if she enjoyed it.. I blamed god at first... but little did i know he was there the whole time... waiting for me.. because through suffering we know his healing... And im sorry lord that it took me so long to realize..