Never was the Type

by Amanda
(Chandler, Arizona, U.S.)

I've always heard of eating disorders, obsessions with body image and more. I was a tomboy and I didn't ever worry about that stuff. I heard of girls my age always struggling with anorexia and bulimia and I was so glad that I didn't struggle with the same thing. I’m 13 and “5’6”. I’m really athletic and very healthy.

I'm a Christian and of course the thought occurred to me that I would face a lot of temptation as I went through junior high. Sixth and Seventh grade was a huge success. I was so independent and was doing great spiritually and physically. But towards the end of my 7th grade year I began buying Seventeen Magazines and GL (Girl's Life). I promised my mom I was just buying the magazines because I loved the fashion in there. And it was true for a while.

It soon became a habit to buy them monthly, and I always ended up looking at the skinny girls. I thought of this not as something that would put me down, but an inspiration to lose weight, so I worked every day at the gym with my mom. But soon I stopped, noticing that I had gained several pounds afterwards (120 to 125). I knew it wasn’t a huge deal but it had already influenced me and I’d never had flat abs.

I felt so fat. I was doing move auditions as well, and I didn’t think they would accept me because I wasn’t skinny enough. My mom kept telling me that the small pocket of fat on my stomach was there since I was a baby. But I didn't want it anymore. Once, I even overheard my brother saying that in his classes he watched a video and learned that if you don't eat for a certain period of time all your senses enhance. I thought that sounded amazing! I have horrible eyesight and am a bad listener. And that made it official.

I started to skip eating lunches and I made excuses to my mom and dad that I wasn't hungry for dinner and for breakfast we'd rush out so fast my mom never noticed I hadn't eaten. This went on for nearly a week. But throughout the week a scripture that I had read sometime, somewhere echoed in my head for the longest. I don't remember which one, but I remember it saying that are body is a temple and that we had to guard it.

I felt so guilty but I told myself that I was only doing this for a short period of time, just long enough to lose the weight I wanted. I decided to do some research and see how other girls had started on anorexia and how they hid it. But I found this website and it was a perfect way to show how I got here.

Except, I read something in here. A scripture. And I had been trying my best to avoid anything to do with the bible, cause I knew it would stop me from doing this. Well, I ran across the scripture Matthew 6:25-27 and it made me realize the stupidity of my choices. Why should I damage this perfectly, healthy body the Lord gave me? Isn't that just like telling God that the body he gave me isn't perfect? I had read this scripture over and over before but it never really impacted me until today. Thanks so much.