Physically it might go, but mentally it will stay with you forever.

by taylor
(malta)

hi my name is Taylor, I’m a 17 year old girl, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, tall & a bit chubby( again ). About a year & a half ago ( I was 15 just turning 16) I got really depressed. I felt like no one loved me or wanted to be around me. I thought all of this because I was fat. Because when I would look at skinny people at school they would be soo happy, always smiling & laughing! I just didn’t want to exist anymore, I felt like I was a waste of space, & just wanted to slowly disappear. So I stopped eating, I would eat a tiny bit every now & then so my mom wouldn’t notice I wasn’t eating & at school when people would ask why I wasn’t eating I would just tell them that I eat in class before break, it seemed to work cause they left me alone. A month passed when you could really see that I was losing weight, but even though I was losing weight I was in so much pain! So much that I couldn’t lay down or stand up straight, & when I did it hurt like crazy! I was also always tired & cold. I would wear sweat shirts & people would look at me if I was crazy, because when this happened it was summer & here in Malta our summers can get so hot that the temperature can go up to 40c. This went on for another 3 months of not eating. Everybody was telling me you’ve lost so much weight what are you doing to lose the weight & I would just be like just drinking lots of water. Because I wasn’t eating, I fainted 3 times, once when I was waiting in line for my id card (that was embarrassing) & twice at school. It was the fifth month since I had stopped eating & I was in so much pain that at night in stead of sleeping I would just cry until morning. It was then that I thought ok I can’t do this any more, so I started to eat again it was hard but I did it & with in four months I had gained all the weight back. & even till this day I still struggle with food & my weight & still got it in my head that if I’m fat, no one will love me for it.