Pornography and masturbation... its not just guys

by Hadassah

I am 18 1/2 years old and have struggled with addictions for half my life! Pornography for 9 years and masturbating for 4 1/2 years. The hardest thing is feeling like your alone in something like this especially when porn takes over its own piece of loneliness in life. I feel like struggle isn't a strong enough word for what I have been through. Times where you're content at where you're at and then suddenly need more. I got into all of this after a "play doctor" game gone wrong and thankfully the others don't really remember but it's something that I have had to come back to and ask for forgiveness for many times. It holds so much shame and guilt! I wish that I could say I've been clean for at least a month but it's not something I've been able to quit cold turkey it's a couple steps forward and a step back realizing more each time that I grow to hate what I do more and more because God is reclaiming my heart! It's still going to take time but I do want to say a few things! Things that people never told me growing up because I was too afraid to share... You are not alone in this! I know that a lot of people say this and if you're like me I sometimes now even forget that but one of the most important people out there is stretching out his hand just waiting for you to grasp it and say "God let your will be done in my life! Forgive me for doubting you and in this time allow me to recommit my life to you! Heal my heart of all impurity that has manifested itself in my heart!" I'm not saying this journey is going to be easy because I'm on it too but let that be a reminder that we can do this together through prayer even if we don't know each other! Pornography and masturbation go pretty hand in hand...it's hard not to have lust in your heart with either and together it makes things tougher...but not impossible!