Recovering from Anorexia

by jenny
(newcastle england )

do you know when you just want to let someone know how your feeling but people question it and dont listen because it's not what they want to hear? thats what i have to go through, after coming bck from a school adventure holiday i felt awful with the way i looked i felt huge and hated how i looked! i would stand in front of the mirror and cry, i lost a stone in one month but my friends told the school and they spoke to my mam, i felt discusting that summer holiday i felt fat and horrible!! when school started the most crucial yeah i lost another stone which led to me becoming anorexic, so bad that i wasnt supposed to go to school if i lost another pound but goibng to school would mean i wouldnt have to eat, i didnt drink for 2weeks and ended up in hospital but because i lied i didnt get kept in.... my parents , family,, friends, and school were worried sick, i was the only one who wasnt, a year later i decided that i didnt want to feel like that i hated looking like i was dying and not being able to live,,,, i can honestly say, worst decisiong of my life and its now a year later.. i have always taken laxatives and not until 3months ago have i been able to make myslef sick... i am now addicted to them again!!! i dont sleep because of everything i put myself through... i cant cope with life with the pressires of life but you have to carry on.... during this i found slef harming a way of coping,, a year and a half i have cut for and now my friends and family know they are so supportive but my arms like like someone has drawn red marks all over them not very attractive,.... i also thought life was not worth living while i was recovering from anorexia and abotu 1month ago.. i took 60 sleeping tablets in one night and 40 the next and it didnt do anything... i then took a lot of paracetamol and that didnt have any effect... my mam and dad found out but becasue they thought 6 would kill me i wouldnt tell them i took A LOT more than that... the amount of times ive tried and failed is amazing god is keeping me alicve,, if it wasnt for god and not going back to church i wouldnt be alive today and recovered/recovering from anorexia...