Repentance?

by Shauna- Kay B
(Kingston, Jamaica)

Ok I am lying awake talking to God and I realize...I lie a lot. I'm pretty good at it too and most times I do it without thinking. I want to stop. I want to please God, not to hurt Him. I want to end it. I want to repent!

The problem is...I don't want to promise Him I won't do something like lying when I know I will very well do it again to protect the world from knowing any little intimate thing about me. I say, 'Lord I will do my best not to lie' but I feel like that is not truly repentance. I really want to say 'Lord I will never ever lie again' and mean it. But I think I will. I don't intend to but I know there is going to come a time where I will lie again, even once. Then I would've broken the promise with God and He will be very upset with me.

So I feel like just not repenting and just trying my best not to sin, that way I don't have to make a promise and not break it. But if I don't repent HOW WILL I BE SAVED?

This may seem trivial but I repented for one sin already and I promised Him it wouldn't happen again and I did it today and now I feel completely awful and unforgivable, after all, I promised. Why should He forgive me when I did that? Then He would never take my word for it cuz I would just go and do it even when I said I would never do it again. I don't want that. I am really confused and I just want an answer somehow.

Please help. I really want to stop lying and overcome this barrier that is blocking me from drawing closer to God.