Seeking Eagle's Wings

by Jessica
(Winchester, VA )

Exercise, fruit, veggies, lean protein, it's all healthy...but in moderation. I was 13 years old when it all started. After watching and learning "tips" on who to be "healthy", I was eager to get there. Starting 3 times a week, running for thirty minutes, stretching for dance, and watching what I ate, it all seemed moderate and proportional. But as I gained more and more compliments from people stating how good I looked, my lifestyle became an obsession.

An hour of intense running with an additional hour of cardio, eating only fruits, vegetables, and egg whites, my healthy lifestyle became a slow death. I didn't understand my mothers tears or my friends meager hugs, I didn't realize how badly I was treating my body, God's creation.

After a trip to Baltimore with my Girl Scout troop, I hit my lowest, 98 pounds. That was it, I knew what I was doing wasn't what I had sought out to do. My first healthy lifestyle became an addiction, severe bodily harm. Thankfully, my parents sought help for me, and I reached a healthy 120 pounds. I was happy, and did not feel trapped. But a year later, I found myself at the bottom of the pit. Scared, afraid, nervous, and alone. At first no one noticed it, but slowly my mom did. I was ashamed of getting help again. What would people think of me? Who turns back to a life of starvation and destruction? I guess me.
This time was different though. I was a Christian before, but my faith wasn't growing during my first battle. I realized that in order for me to recover, I needed to recover and regrow my relationship with Christ. I needed support, Eagle's Wings.

My mom found books, help, and counselors for me, but ultimately, she encouraged my relationship with Christ. It is a difficult, long battle, but throughout it, God made me stronger. I will never be the same person that I was before, but I can look forward to seeing how God continues to strengthen me and grow me as a Christian. Forever more, I will always follow the faithful and promising wings of my Eagle.

To anyone struggling with an eating disorder or self-harm, please know that you are not alone. Seek help and PRAY.