Starvation

by Chandice
(Zebulon, Georgia)

I had an eating disorder at a young age. I saw how much thinner the other girls were. I was always comparing myself to them. I'm not sure what went through my mind the day I chose not to eat. However, I knew one thing. I love the feeling of control, emptiness, and hunger. Knowing I had all power over those feelings were amazing. I began losing weight rapidly. I began lying to myself. "Five more pounds and I'll stop." I said to myself every time.

The day everyone found out was sad. I was seeing my dad for the first time in three years. He hesitated to hug me when he saw me. The hesitation felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I was crying and screaming, asking, "Why dont you love me daddy? Am I still not good enough? I do everything! Look how skinny I've gotten daddy! I did it so you'd be proud of me!" That was when my whole world fell apart.
I woke up in a hospital room, surrounded by faces of my friends and family, only to find tears. The doctor told me so much excitement and emotion when my body was so weak had caused me to black out. I looked around at faces and realized how much I was hurting them. I found support groups and became healthy again.
Im here to tell you: There is no magic cure, no making it go away forever. But there's an easier smile, an unexpeceted laugh and a mirror that doesnt matter anymore. Protect yourself and dont let anyone tell you you're less than perfect.

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