True Guidelines

by Juhre
(Texas)

As a freshman in high school, I entered into a dating relationship with a boy from my youth group. He was an amazing guy, and both of us had true relationships with the Lord. As time went on, we became closer and closer, eventually becoming best friends. We told each other everything, and although we never gave into breaking physical boundaries, deep emotional ties were made. We decided we were "in love", and spent all the time we could seeing or talking to each other. However, after about a year, I began to realize through interaction with my youth group that I had grown complacent in my relationship with God. I knew that my boyfriend was distracting me, but because he was a good guy that also loved Jesus, I told myself that there was no real danger. It's not like he was persuading me to worship the devil. I continued on in the relationship, unwilling to let go, however I was fully aware that being close to him was only pulling me further from where I needed to be. One night, my boyfriend called me to tell me that his dad, (a member of the US Army), had been restationed half-way across the country. I think I went into a sort of shock; I was sad, but because he wouldn't be moving for the next four months, it seemed like for a while everything would be fine. Thinking that I had everything under control, I made a plan. I decided to be mature, and break up with him. However, the break up was really only a phrase that I used to try and justify my feelings. I was still unwilling to let go, and I figured that if we "broke up", we could stay "friends" even after he moved, and neither of us would have the pressure of staying in a long distance relationship. He and I decided that our relationship wouldn't change at all, only we would take away the title so that if (though we both refused to believe that this would happen) one of us changed our minds, we had an escape, and weren't truly tied down. Sadly, those next four months we became closer than ever. Rather than decide to get out before it started hurting, we continued to get closer and closer, determined that we were going to make it work. Eventually, there was only one night left. Our last time to see each other, at least for a while, and we were together at his grandparents house, trying to make the most of what time we still had. No, we didn't make any stupid last minute physically inappropriate choices, but we cried together. In fact, his whole family and I, all determined that we were going to work it out and eventually get married, cried together. When I finally went home, after we said our goodbyes on the front porch, I did the hardest thing I've ever done....I shut the door on his retreating figure. I can't describe the utter despair that I felt as he walked away from me, and all I could do was shut the door. That night I cried more than I've ever cried, and I just knew that nothing would ever be the same. As I was falling asleep, I prayed that God would somehow take the hurt away, and let me be happy. And this is where God evidenced to me how he works in mysterious ways. The next morning I woke up to find that I was a perfectly content person. I had known for a long time that my "friend" would be leaving, and everything was just as I had expected; a little more lonely. However, as my "friend" and I continued our relationship via phone conversation, he bacame more and more dependent on me, claiming that I was the only thing he had left, that God had abandoned him, and that he was miserable in his new life. This literally made me sick to my stomach, and after only a month and a half, I knew that I had to get out of it. It's important that I mention that during this month and a half, I had an amazing summer growing closer to God and my other friends. While he was claiming that I was all he had left, I was learning that I had given up too much of what I'd had before him to be in that relationship. So I finally, after two years, officially broke everything off. There is absolutely zero contact now, and I can't understand how, but God led me through it relatively unscathed. My advice after all of this:

Realize that God sets up the true guidelines for a relationship. Trying to fall in love, or falling in love without trying to, is dangerous, and you're bound to get hurt. Looking back on this, I can still say that I definitely loved my boyfriend, and I still love him as a friend. However, I've realized that just because you don't physically go too far doesn't mean that you are in the right, and just because you're both Christians doesn't mean that you can disregard the pull of the Holy Spirit to cast aside all distractions and follow God. You have to let God be in complete control, and when you will allow God to work in your relationships, they will be blessed.